I Ruin What I Need

Ooh... ooh ooh

It's creeping in

I don't know if it's love or the silence I fear

Every time someone's close, I just need them near

For a moment it feels like I'm finally whole

Then I watch it collapse when I lose control

I keep filling the space with a temporary fix

Like a ghost in a room that I can't coexist with

Every word that I say feels rehearsed, not real

Like I'm playing a part I don't wanna feel

And I know how it ends before it begins

I get close just to push them out again

I'm the spark that turns into a fire

Then I'm gone when it's burning too bright

Every touch turns to something fragile

Every love ends the same every time

I don't mean to leave them in pieces

I don't mean to make it this way

But I break what I hold when I need it

Then I hate myself more every day

There's a voice in my head that don't let me rest

Saying I'm not enough, saying I'll ruin the best

And I try to outrun every thought that I make

But it's always right there every step that I take

For a second I'm high like I'm out of the deep

Like I finally found something I'm allowed to keep

Then the weight of it all comes crashing inside

And I turn into someone I don't recognize

I see it unfold, I don't even fight

I just watch as it slips every time

I'm the spark that turns into a fire

Then I'm gone when it's burning too bright

Every touch turns to something fragile

Every love ends the same every time

I don't mean to leave them in pieces

I don't mean to make it this way

But I break what I hold when I need it

Then I hate myself more every day

Ooh... ooh ooh

Ooh... ooh ooh

If I stay, I'll destroy it

If I leave, I'll regret it

Every path that I take

Feels like I already said it

I don't know how to hold on

Without tearing it down

I just know when it matters

I'm the one who lets go

I'm the spark that turns into a fire

Then I'm ash in the middle of light

Every love that I ever desired

Turns to something I can't keep alive

I don't mean to leave them in pieces

I don't mean to make it this way

But I break what I hold when I need it

And there's nothing left here to save